Volume Three: The Life and Times of Tom Musial

For the last two years, I’ve told the following Ash Wednesday joke at local open mic venues, like the Smiling Moose and St. James Place Tavern.

No one has ever laughed, but I like the joke anyway. So I’m posting it here at TomMusial.com, where no one will ever see it.

Here it goes.

Today is Ash Wednesday. In Catholic Churches all across the world, today’s Gospel reading is this:

Beware of practicing your piety before men in order to be seen by them; for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

And when you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by men. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.

But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by men but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

I think that’s a great reading. To summarize, it says: “Be faithful and prayerful, but don’t make a big public spectacle out of it.”

And, oh by the way, before you leave church today, let me jam a giant black smudge into your forehead that you’re not allowed to wash off until Thursday, so that all day long people will ask if you walked into a door.

Really? Hasn’t anyone in the past 2000 years noticed this contradiction? It says to Wash your face right there in the gospel!